Finding Solace Read online

  I reach out and grab her hand as I head down the road to the church. She intertwines her fingers in mine and give them a squeeze. I quickly glance over and smile. She smiles back at me but slightly hiding behind her hair.

  I squeeze her fingers back and pull her hand up to my lips and give them a soft kiss.

  “You two sure make a cute couple, you know. Absolutely perfect,” Gram Pam pipes up from the back seat.

  I look in the rearview and see her nodding her head and smiling. Gracie squeezes her fingers and hand out of my grip and folds her hands on her lap.

  The loss of her touch affects me more than it should. It doesn’t escape me that she let go after Gram Pam’s words.

  “Don’t know if we are a couple just yet, Gram Pam. I sure wouldn’t mind it, though,” I say, looking back at her in the rearview.

  I see Gracie shift in her seat beside me, but she doesn’t say a word. She hasn’t spoken a word this whole time.

  We make it to the church and Gracie jumps out and helps Gram, walking ahead and into the church. Looks like we’re going to have to have a talk to see what is going on in her head.

  We do a walkthrough of the ceremony with the wedding coordinator directing us on where we should go and where we should stand. I’m trying to pay attention, but I keep trying to get Gracie to look at me. She seems natural, talking and joking with the girls, but I see there’s a stiffness to her movements whenever I get close. We take our final walk down the aisle, and I tuck Gracie’s hand around my arm, not letting go of her hand.

  As we are all standing around the lobby of the church, I try to slip my arm around Gracie’s waist, but she pulls away saying she has to get Pam.

  Everything seems to go in slow motion as the group heads out to their vehicles to go to the restaurant for dinner. I’m starting to get pissed by the blatant dismissal from Gracie. What the fuck did I do?

  When we get to the restaurant, I’m glad to see Uncle Bruce waiting on the curb to help with his mom. Gracie tries to get out of the car, but I lean over and pull the door back closed.

  The car is uncomfortably silent as I drive around the back to the parking lot.

  “What’s going on, Gracie?” I ask as I pull in a spot and turn off the engine.

  “What do you mean?” she asks with her head tucked.

  “Look at me,” I state. “Please, Gracie, will you at least fucking look at me, dammit?”

  She lets out a deep breath, shifts in her seat, and slowly looks up at me. Her eyes look a little glassy, like she might start crying.

  “What is it? Please talk to me and tell me why the hell you look like you could burst out crying any minute. Did I do something?”

  “No…it’s just all this wedding stuff. It makes girls a little emotional,” she says, looking down at her hands.

  I quickly shift in my seat to face her and throw my arm up on her headrest. “I’m calling bullshit here. You haven’t been able to look me in the eye for more than a second at best all evening. Is this about last night? You act like you are ashamed and you have nothing to be ashamed of, darling. That was the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

  “Yes…no…I don’t know, Zeke. It’s last night, it’s the wedding, it’s Pam’s comment about us being a couple. It’s everything. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, and I don’t know how to act around you. I don’t know what this is between us. Honestly, I’m scared,” she says, wiping away a tear that starts to fall.

  “Scared about what?” I ask as I reach out and twirl my finger around one of her curls. I watch as the setting sun casts a glow on the strands as they move around.

  “I’m scared about what the hell this is between us. I’m afraid of thinking it’s more than it is. You’re leaving in a week, Zeke. I don’t want to start caring about you, then have my heart ripped out as I watch you leave. And I’m scared that I shouldn’t be even worrying about all that when we hardly know each other.”

  “I don’t know what this is between us either, but I feel something. I know what I would like it to be. Yes, I’m leaving in a week, but can we just forget about that and let things just happen? Face that when the end of my time here comes?”

  “That’s just it, though. What if I do start to care about you? Long distance never works. This was over before it even began, really. If it even started to begin with. God, I’m rambling again.”

  “I like it when you ramble. Listen, give me a chance to get to know you. There are never any guarantees in life. But if there is any chance of this working out, I want to find out. I don’t want an invisible barrier keeping us from finding out what this could be. Maybe you will be the reason I come back home, for good.” I soften my tone on the last sentence. Feeling a lump form in my throat at the possibilities of what I am saying, I know I can’t make any promises, especially that big, but I can’t let her give up just yet.

  “You can’t say or make those kinds of promises, Zeke. At least not yet,” she says.

  “I can promise I’ll be home for the holidays. They aren’t that far away. I can promise that if this becomes something, I’ll send you a plane ticket to get you away from the snow and enjoy the San Antonio winter.”

  I lean in to kiss her temple just as banging on the roof starts. “Z-man, stop trying to get to second base and get your ass inside. We are waiting for you dude,” I hear Uncle Bradley yell from outside of the car.

  Gracie covers her face with her hands and mutters “Oh God” as I let out a small chuckle. I kiss her temple quickly and we both exit the car. She doesn’t seem to want me to be a gentleman, and I can deal with that, for now at least.

  I open my arms and Gracie complies by walking into them. I tuck her under my arm as we walk into the restaurant. She fits perfectly. I smile as I feel her arm slide around my waist and place her other hand on my stomach.

  No one seems to be surprised at how we enter the back room where the dinner is taking place. I’m grateful nobody makes a big deal over it.

  I pull her chair out and get her situated as I sit down next to her. I have my arm around the back of her chair the whole evening, playing with her curls every chance I get.

  She seems more relaxed now, even leaning into me every once in a while. I see my mom and dad looking at me with smiles on their faces. Being here with family feels right. Being here with Gracie feels even better.

  The future bride and groom take off. Kee and her bridesmaids are staying at Gram Pam’s, so Pam gets a ride back with Kee. Some of us decide to stay a little longer heading, out to the bar for a few drinks.

  As we are standing around one of the high tops, I see one of my high school friends, Eric, walking toward us.

  “Zeke, is that you? Damn boy, you beefed up since school, man,” Eric says, slapping me on the back.

  “Hey Eric, how you been?” I ask.

  “Good man. Married with kids and living the dream. What about you? You got anyone down in Texas? That’s where you are now, right?”

  “That’s where I am and nope. But with any luck, I may have someone in my life soon,” I say, throwing my arm around Gracie’s shoulder.

  “Holy shit, Gracie Lynn? Looks like you beefed up, too,” Eric says, laughing.

  I instantly see red. “Apologize now,” I say getting in his face.

  “You aren’t being serious, are you? I mean look at you. You could have any girl you’d want, dude.”

  “Dude. I couldn’t be more serious, and you need to apologize. I would count my blessing and be the luckiest man in the world to call that beautiful woman right there mine. Now again, you need to apologize.” I’m trying to remain calm, but I can feel the veins in my temples start to pulsate.

  Eric throws up his hands in defense and lets out a nervous laugh. “Okay, if you say so, calm down man. Gracie Lynn, accept my apologies. I’ve had a few too many it seems.”

  He shakes his head, still laughing and walks away. I feel like I could punch something when I feel a soft hand on my back. I instantly feel myself
start to calm.

  I turn around and see Gracie with a huge smile on her face.

  “Why are you smiling, beautiful girl?” I say, finding myself returning her smile.

  “That was the sweetest thing ever. My knight in shining armor defending his queen,” she laughs.

  “Got that right, my queen. Never forget it. When did he turn into such a jackass?”

  “He’s always been an ass. Not everyone from school grew up…guys or girls. I’m used to it, anyways. I’ve changed a lot and when people realize who I am, they are shocked. Most are nicer than that, though. It’s okay,” she says, reaching up and rubbing my temple.

  “They are finally starting to go away. Damn, those veins were popping.”

  “It’s not okay, Gracie. No one should talk to anyone like that. You are all woman, and I can’t tell you how beautiful you are,” I say, pulling her in for a hug.

  She presses her face into my neck and sighs. “Thank you. I know I’m beautiful. I have no issues with how I look. I just know that some people are superficial. Hearing someone else acknowledge it is a pretty amazing feeling. I think they are just jealous of all this”

  “Damn straight. No one in this room, hell this whole city, can hold a candle to what I’m holding in my arms right now.”

  Gracie

  I was a little ashamed of what I did last night. There’s something about the way Zeke seems to break down my inhibitions. I try to avoid him the best I can, but he doesn’t let me in the end.

  I end up telling him more that I wanted to, but it was all the truth. I’m scared. I’m having these feelings that I shouldn’t be having this soon. When he stood up for me, he pushed himself further into my heart. To finally have someone see you as you see yourself is amazing. I still have a hard time believing this is all happening, but I agree with him in giving this a try. He’s right. He’ll be home for the holidays and who knows? If anything, it will be a fun fling. I mean, seriously the man is gorgeous. I would be dumb not taking a little advantage of the situation.

  Most importantly, I’ve never had a man look at me the way Zeke does. One look with those sweet brown eyes has me humming from head to toe.

  I laugh as we pull up the driveway, and I see faces in the front window looking at us.

  “We have an audience. Do you want to give them a show?” Zeke says, pulling me up out of the car.

  “Not like the one’s I give you. Those are for your eyes only. But hell yeah. Kiss me,” I say, pushing him against the car.

  “I like a girl who can take charge,” Zeke says, grabbing my neck and pulling me in.

  He goes all in, like he has never done before. The way he savors my lips is nothing less than incredible. I feel his hardness grinding against my stomach. I reach down and rub him through his pants.

  “Christ, Gracie. That feels good, but we have to stop. We are moving out of PG really quickly,” he says, pressing himself into my hand.

  I move my hand up his chest and around his neck. I kiss his lips, his nose, and then pull him down to kiss his forehead. “I didn’t think you could top our first date, and even though this may not have been our second, you topped it tonight. Thank you.”

  “Sweet! I didn’t even have to try. Good night, Gracie. Sweet dreams,” he says, pressing his lips against my neck.

  “Good night, Zeke,” I say as I head up to the house with an extra pep to my step.

  When I enter the house, I’m greeted by a bunch of whoops and cheers. Laughing, I raise my fist in the air. I run up the stairs and change in the bathroom. There will be no show tonight. Once I get to my bedroom, I see Akia standing by the bed pulling back the covers.

  “I’m sleeping with you tonight. I hope you don’t mind. The girls all decided to crash downstairs but thought I should be in a bed. Sometimes being the bride has its privileges,” she laughs as she crawls into bed.

  “I snore, just saying. You’ve been warned,” I say, laughing.

  “So, Zeke, huh?”

  “I guess so, keep your voice down. He’s probably over there eavesdropping,” I say, looking out the window to the apartment.

  Akia laughs and snuggles under the covers. “Yeah, just like Zeke. He’s a good guy you know,” she whispers.

  “Yeah, I’m seeing that. I’m surprised though,” I say, whispering myself.

  “Surprised, how?” she asks.

  “Why you two never got together. I mean he can be pretty persistent,” I say, turning off the lights and crawling under the covers.

  “Yeah, he can. But he was always just Zeke to me. It hurt me that I hurt him, but I knew that it would never work. I knew Doug was the one almost instantly. The way he looks at me, how a simple touch can make my body hum, and even way he sometimes says my name. It’s pretty incredible,” Akia says with a smile.

  “I’m so happy for you, Akia. Doug is pretty incredible,” I say, crawling in bed.

  “Yeah, he is. I think you and Zee make a really cute couple, you know.”

  “He seems so out of my league, but I can’t deny the way he makes me feel. Which scares the crap out of me…just saying,” I respond.

  “You don’t have to tell me why. He’s leaving in a week and you are afraid this is just fling. I can see how he looks at you, though. Maybe you’ll be the reason he moves home. You would be the most favorite person in this family, that’s for sure, no pressure,” she laughs.

  “Thanks a lot, Akia. Now I have that weighing over my head,” I say, burying my head under a pillow.

  Zeke

  Tonight was emotionally draining. I can understand Gracie’s concerns, but I really want to explore these feelings. I’m a true believer in living in the moment, but I also know you can’t forget about the future. I think I was able to make her see this thing between us should be explored. Then the whole incident with Eric happened. My control over my short fuse was tested that’s for sure. I could have laid him out, but, somehow, I managed to keep my fists in check.

  There are little signs that keep popping up concerning my feelings for Gracie, from the need to know what’s going on in her head, to the need to defend her and the sense of calm I felt from her simple hand on my back.

  Reminiscing the evening’s events, I’m lying in bed listening to the chirping of the crickets. I almost forgot how quiet it is here compared to the noise of the city. Although the chirping can grain on my nerves, it’s peaceful. I would never sleep with my windows open at the condo back in Texas. The fresh evening air is calming. I could get used to this again.

  Wait. Did I just think that?

  I have a life in Texas. A great condo. A fantastic job that I love. If this would work out with Gracie, she could move down there with me. I mean, what does she have here? I know of a bunch of ranches that she could work at, if this is what she wants to do. She has a business degree. She can find work anywhere.

  Now I sound like a girl planning out our whole future together. Get your head in the game and not on the prize. Even though it’s a hell of a prize, this sure isn’t a game to me. I think I’m in it to win it.

  I wake up the next morning starving, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to go over and eat at the house. Even though I know damn well Gram Pam has a feast over there. I’m not sure I can handle all the female hormones.

  I’m sure there are wedding day jitters and excitement on a level I’ll be uncomfortable with. I look in my fridge and see I have stuff to make a few eggs or maybe a very nice large omelet.

  I pull out some lunch meat, ham, and bacon along with the eggs and vegetables and get to cooking. I’m a bachelor and I’m pretty good in the kitchen, at least with breakfast food. I can eat that for all three meals if I have to.

  I have everything in the pan when I hear a soft knock on the door. Not wanting to burn my omelet, I yell that the door is open.

  I hear footsteps and glance over my shoulder to see Gracie in a robe with curlers in her hair.

  Chuckling, I say, “Good morning, sexy. Love the curlers.”


  “All part of the beautification process. Pam sent me over to get you for breakfast, but it appears I’m too late,” she says, lifting her curlers and making a pouty face.

  The fact that she came over looking like this doesn’t escape me. Either she is very confident and comfortable with me seeing her in anyway or she doesn’t care. Both can be a good sign or a bad sign. I’m trying to stay positive and say it’s a good sign. Regardless it’s another thing that pulls at my heart.