Finding Solace Read online

  I suck in my pride and gather myself together. Taking some ibuprofen and antacids, I make it through the rest of the night and end up having a really good time.

  Watching my dad shake his head at my mom’s antics with Uncle Bradley, I forgot about being sad. I looked around at the people in my life and felt a tinge of homesickness before I was even gone.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Road Tripping

  Zeke

  I waited a week before I finally decided to hit the road on my journey across the country. My pickup packed to the gills, I hug my parents goodbye and promise to check in every chance I can. I watch in my rearview mirror as my dad tucks my mom under his arm, pulling her in tight. I can see my mom visibly shake as she cries, tucking her face into his chest.

  I feel a lump form in my throat as they slowly disappear from my view. Taking a deep breath and blowing it out, I look forward. I look over at my dad’s guitar sitting on the passenger seat and smile. This is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life. I’ve mapped all the stops that I have planned. Three months of getting to see the country and experience something else outside that small town.

  A little over seven hours on the road, I hit my first stop, Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. I spent a few days there taking in all the tourist sites that I could. From Dollywood, to the Hatfield and McCoy’s Dinner Feud, I experienced it all. It was pretty amazing.

  I checked in to places through Facebook and took a ton of selfies. Uncle Bradley would comment on each and every post with something totally inappropriate. My mom wasn’t much better. Sometimes it felt like they had high jacked my posts, but it always made me laugh.

  The next stop was Nashville. I spent almost a month there. I almost didn’t want to leave. Even though I was only eighteen, the amount of alcohol consumed was astronomical. If it weren’t for the posts, selfies, and check-ins, I would have forgotten most of my time there. The girls, wow. They sure as hell make them very pretty and very friendly. Daisy dukes and cowboy boots will never be the same in my eyes. I learned to line dance, and I met some up and coming country music stars. I even helped a band whose guitar player had come down sick by filling in for a few nights. The one thing I did get from my dad was his talent in playing the guitar and singing.

  From there I headed to Memphis and then onto Shreveport. Last was Dallas before I was in San Antonio. I still had two weeks before my classes started, so the plan was to get a job and get moved in and settled into my apartment I rented off campus.

  I received a call from Uncle Bradley who told me he had an interview lined up for me at the resort. Texting me the details, I immediately made a call to the General Manager of the resort and scheduled a day and time for the interview.

  My apartment was within walking distance, so I decide to take in the sights and sounds of the city. Rounding the corner, I see the most magnificent sight. There is a large fountain that would rival any of those in Las Vegas, not that I’ve ever seen one in person.

  Asking for Ms. Cartwright at the front desk, I’m asked to take a seat in the lobby. I can understand why my family loves this place. Uncle Bradley, Uncle Bruce, and Aunt Carrie must feel so open and free here. I look in awe at the openness of the guests. The smiles and laughter are welcoming. Before I have a chance to take a seat, I see the most striking older woman approach. She is in a tailored pantsuit with her platinum hair plaited down the center of her back. She is slightly taller than me in her heels, and I find myself trying to stand up straighter.

  Her handshake is strong and I feel her long fingers wrap around my hand. I glance up and notice the rather large Adam’s apple. I find myself staring at her impeccable skin.

  “Ezekiel, I presume? You have Samson’s strong jaw and Jamie’s nose, a fine mixture. There are some good genes in your family. Please take a seat,” Ms. Cartwright says.

  “Please call me Zeke. I know this probably isn’t appropriate, but you have such amazing skin.” I’m embarrassed that I can’t take my eyes of her.

  “Lots of laser treatments. I haven’t gone through the full change, but I’m on my way. You do know, right?” she asks.

  Clearing my throat, I respond, “Yes, that’s why I’m staring, you are stunning. I’m sorry. That’s really rude of me.”

  “Not at all. This is the place to be open and honest. I wish people outside these walls would just ask sometimes. Plus, what women wouldn’t want to be called stunning from a young buck like yourself? Anyway, please tell me you have your father’s talent of singing and playing guitar. I see you breaking hearts like glass while you are here.”

  Hearing that phrase makes me smile. “My dad used to tell me that all the time. One of his favorite songs he always sang for me has that line in it.”

  “I know. It’s still one of my favorites. I can remember him sitting with his guitar playing that right here in this lobby. He drew in quite the crowd. It brought tears to my eyes. He always played with such power and passion.”

  “To answer your question, I don’t know if I’m as good as him, but yes, I do sing and play,” I answer.

  “Perfect. I’ll have to hear you myself so I’m sure you don’t hurt my guests’ eardrums, but I’m in need of someone to play a few nights a week. If that’s okay with you?”

  “I’m willing to work wherever you put me. Honestly, I’m a college student and what funds I did come with will be depleted soon. Plus, I took three months getting here. Let’s just say, I enjoyed the trip.”

  “Well, since you are only eighteen, we will have to keep you mostly in the lobby, but we may be able to get you in the lounge a few times. As long as it’s during dining times.” She pulls a walkie off her hip and calls for someone named Dan to meet her in the lobby.

  A younger man shows up with a folder. “Hey, I’m Dan. I manage the scheduling of the entertainment staff. Welcome aboard.”

  The rest of the day, I’m filling out employment paperwork, treated to lunch, and asked to come back the next day to play a little so that Dan and Ms. Cartwright, who insisted on me calling her Rachel, could ensure I was as good as I claimed.

  The next day I played the song that my dad always sung to me, the same song he sang in this very lobby. I drew a crowd, received a thunderous applause, and a huge thumbs up from Rachel.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  College Life

  Zeke

  I loved college. It wasn’t really like school at all. I had a few academic classes that I would dread, but my major classes were the ones that made it exciting. I couldn’t get enough. To be able to dive into a program, a hard drive, or operating system, and find the smallest of clues was gratifying.

  Even though I wanted to make my own way, my family always seemed to be there to provide me opportunities. I continued to work at the resort and got to spend time with the family when they would come down on vacation. Dad and I sang a few songs together each time they were here.

  My junior year, Dad found a way to meddle and get me an internship at the SAPD, San Antonio Police Department. I didn’t get to assist in any real life cases my first year. I mainly worked in IT, fixing people’s computers and resetting passwords. I wasn’t going to complain though. The workforce was amazing. Especially Emma. She almost had the ability to make me forget about Akia. Almost.

  Emma was first year cadet but had a six sense in reading people. She reminded me a lot of my dad. That wasn’t a good thing. She always knew I wasn’t completely hers. I tried. I really did. I did all the things you are supposed to do for your girlfriend. The first time Akia facetimed me when Emma was there, she called me out. Emma said she knew right then by the way my facial expressions changed.

  “You love her. I can see it,” Emma said.

  “Of course, I love her. She’s my best friend, family,” I responded.

  “No. It’s more than that. You are in love with her. Zeke, it’s okay. I always knew I was competing with something. I just didn’t realize it was a someone. Does she know?”

  I hung my head and nodded. “
She doesn’t feel the same. I know I need to move on. I just can’t seem to do it.”

  “You are an amazing man. I’m so sorry you are going through this, but I’m not going to compete. If you haven’t moved on with me, then you never will, and I’m not the one for you. I hope you find her one day.”

  Even though we broke up that day, we remained friends. I decided to date, but not get serious with anyone after that. I couldn’t put another woman through what I had Emma. I never want to see that look of pity and pain from anyone ever again.

  I graduated Summa Cum Laude with almost my whole family in attendance at the ceremony. Mom cried and Dad beamed with pride. I searched through the group meeting each of their eyes and smiling. There was one set of eyes I was hoping to see, but they were not there. I could feel the smile falling off my face until I looked at my sister Destiny. The contrast between her caramel skin and light green eyes always had a calming effect on me. I regained the smile and a new sense of determination. I couldn’t keep pining over the girl that I would never have. From that moment on, it was about me and my life.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Present Day

  Zeke

  I dig my boarding pass out of the front pocket of my backpack and sling it over my shoulder. Sending a quick group text to Mom and Dad, I let them know the plane is on time and I’m about to board.

  They insisted on picking me up at the airport, even though I wanted to get a rental car. I’m going to be staying for two weeks and really don’t want to rely on others to get around. Dad said I could use his truck, but I can’t see him driving Mom’s car. It’s a Volkswagen Bug. I chuckle to myself, thinking of him squeezing his body into that little hunk of metal. Better him than me, I suppose.

  Scratching my chin, I think about what they are going to think when they see my full beard and shaved head. Apparently, I inherited Mom’s genes since my hair started thinning out this past year. My dad and his dad still have a full head of hair.

  I didn’t want to be one of those guys who hold onto what little hair they may have, and just decided to shave it off. At least I never have to worry about hat hair. I have a baseball hat collection that can be considered an obsession.

  Finding my seat, I tuck my backpack under it and lean back. Popping in my earbuds, I pull the bill of my hat over my eyes and let the guitar riffs take over my thoughts.

  I fall asleep and miss the inflight snack. As if four small pretzels and three sips of soda would have been satisfying. I feel a hand on my shoulder and pop out an earbud. The flight attendant hands me a bag of said pretzels with a wink and asks me to prepare for landing.

  I work the kink out of my neck and look out the plane’s windows. I can see the mountain ranges to my left. I almost forgot how different the terrain is here versus Texas.

  I’m in no hurry and am the last one to get off the plane. I follow the crowd to baggage claims with my head tucked and my music blasting in my ears.

  I catch movement out of the corner of my eye and look to see my mom coming at me at full speed. You would never guess she was in her sixties. With only a few lines around her mouth and eyes, there’s not a spec of gray in her shoulder length blonde hair. My dad however, has that salt and pepper hair.

  I drop my backpack and take Mom into my arms, lifting her off her feet.

  “Oh my God, Zeke. Look at that beard. Sam, you need to grow one of these…but I can’t see your dimples,” she exclaims.

  “I can still get the ladies though, Ma,” I laugh.

  “Boy, you look good. Give your old man a hug.”

  I set my mom back on her feet and am engulfed in my father’s arms. He may be old, but he is still strong as an ox. You don’t realize how much you miss your parents until you are hugged by them again.

  ♦♦♦

  We pull into the lane to my Gram Pam’s, Bruce’s mom, who is everyone’s mom or grandmother. I see the farm that I used to work at and smile seeing nothing has changed. It’s like I’m seeing it through a new set of eyes. Everything is open and green and actually quite breathtaking.

  I see a line of cars on both sides of the driveway. I guess the gang’s all here. My family has grown since I’ve been gone. Most of all the kids are married with children of their own. Akia and I are the only ones left and that will soon be changing.

  “Get in, they are all up at the gazebo,” my dad says, getting into a four seater ATV.

  No time to wind down, great.

  We reach the top of the hill and I see kids of all ages running around. Then I see the wisp of red hair standing in the arms of a decent looking man. I say decent because…. well you know why.

  I wait for the pained feeling to hit my gut, but it never does. It’s the strangest feeling. My chest doesn’t hurt. I feel…nothing.

  “The Prodigal Son has returned!” Uncle Bradley yells, pulling me into a bear hug.

  Chuckling I say, “First, I would have had to squander all of my inheritance, which I haven’t. Second, I would have to be coming home to stay, which I’m not.”

  “Z-man, you ruin everything. I like the scruff. Makes you look all rugged like a cowboy. If you were wearing a Stetson instead of that ball cap, you’d be a Texan stereo type.”

  The hugs seem to be endless. I’m anticipating hugging Akia, just to see if those feelings return. When it’s finally her turn, I brace for the onslaught of emotions. Still nothing. It’s a great hug. A very nice warm hug. But that’s it. Just a hug.

  I’m introduced to her fiancé, Doug, who gives me a firm handshake and a welcoming smile. I don’t even feel like punching him.

  “Ezekiel. Get your ass over here and give us hugs. We’re too old to get up for your ass,” I hear someone yell.

  Looking over, I see Sun and Flower, my Aunt Patience’s parents, still dress up like hippies. I jog over and kneel down in front of them so I can hug them at the same time. Sun’s hair is completely white but pulled back in his signature ponytail. There’s a large bald spot sitting in the center of his head. Flower’s hair is also still long and white, braided down her back. They still look good for being in their late eighties, although a little frail.

  “I hear they grow some good stuff down there. Did you smuggle us any home?” Sun asks.

  “It’s not illegal anymore, Pops, but no. I didn’t bring any home, sorry.”

  “Bah, what good are ya if you can’t bring your grandparents home any good weed?”

  I take an open chair next to Flower and sit down.

  “Don’t listen to that old coot. We still love you. Plus, he has plenty of his own,” she says, patting my hand and laughing.

  I look around at my family and finally feel something. Not what I was expecting to feel when I saw Akia again, this is different. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much. I’ve missed weddings and births and holidays. I’ve missed home.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Sky Blue Eyes

  I’m staying at the apartment above the garage at the farm. Mom wanted me to stay in my old room at home, but Dad thought I’d want to have my privacy. I’m thinking it’s his privacy he wants. I cringe thinking that my parents are still having sex.

  The morning sun blasts through the window making me groan. Hitting my phone to look at the time, I see it’s early. The fact that it’s two hours earlier than that on my body clock has me covering my head with a pillow. Unfortunately, I have to use the bathroom. So, I guess I’m getting up.

  The kitchen is fully stocked and I’m grateful to see individual coffee pods next to the brewer on the counter. After making a cup, I walk over to the patio. There’s a little table and chairs there, so I go out and take in the fresh morning air. Summer is winding down, so there’s a little bit of fog rolling across the mountains.

  I prop my feet up on the railing and look down to the barn. Movement catches my eye and I’m figuring it’s the workers tending to the horses. I’m going to have to take one out to see if the farm really hasn’t changed.

  A soft feminine voice floats up
from below and I find myself raising to my feet. I lean over the railing to try to get closer to the sound.

  A woman exits the barn walking beside a horse carrying a bucket. I can hear her talking calmly to the mare but can’t make out what she is saying. I take her in from head to toe. Work boots on her feet, snug fitting blue jeans that are worn in various places, a loose t-shirt with the farm logo on the back and a ball cap with a pony tail pulled through the hole in the back.

  “Good morning,” I say, lifting my coffee mug in the air.

  I hear a high pitched squeak, see the bucket go flying in the air, and watch as the horse takes off towards the field.

  “Holy shit! Who the fuck are you and why did you have to scare the ever living shit out of me?” she yells, leaning over and holding her chest.