Finding Solace Page 4

  I have a feeling that my visit is going to be for more than just a wedding. It’s more like a chance for me to apologize for my actions. Actions I didn’t think were that big of a deal, but now realize they probably had more of an effect than I would have thought or wanted.

  I hand off Zeus to the same ranch hand as before and head up to grab the truck keys.

  My parents built the home I grew up in before I was born. There was a little cottage that belonged to Sun and Flower, which had been passed down to all the aunts and uncles. My parents were the last to live in it. They started building as soon as they learned I was coming along. They never sold it though hoping that the next round of kids would be living in it as well one day. That’s where Akia is currently living with Doug.

  The one thing that I learned from my Dad was to always show up with flowers. My mom loved wild flowers, so I make sure to stop and pick her up a bouquet.

  Entering the house, it looks the same as I remember. The furniture has been upgraded, along with the television that takes up most of the back wall, but other than that it’s home. It still smells the same, too.

  It’s an open floor plan, so I can see my mom working in the kitchen. The smile she gives me lights up her entire face. I feel that twinge of regret again but shake it off and smile back.

  There is nothing quite like a mom hug, especially when it’s your mom who’s giving it. I’m wrapped up in the familiar smell of perfume and again feel that sense of home.

  I’m sitting at the counter making idle talk like I used to do when I was younger. Dad walks in carrying an almost identical bouquet of flowers that I brought.

  I watch as he immediately goes to my mom and wraps her in his arms from behind. He whispers something in her ear, making her giggle. It’s like déjà vu. This is the exact way he has always come home and greeted my mom. I can almost guess what he whispered. I smile and cringe at the same time.

  “I see that face, boy. Like I used to tell you when you were younger, deal with it,” Dad says.

  “I’m dealing. It’s sweet that you two still have it, just kind of gross being that you are so old,” I respond.

  “Only as old as you feel and as long as the parts keep working, I’ll keep going,” he says smacking Mom on the ass.

  “That’s really disturbing to share with your kid, you know. Just saying.” I shudder and move to the kitchen table.

  Mom sets down a pan of lasagna and tray of garlic bread on the table. After Dad pulls out her chair and she sits down, she reaches over and grabs my hand.

  “It’s so good to have you home. Will you say the blessing?” Mom asks.

  We join hands and bow our heads. I haven’t kept up the tradition of saying grace, and just that word makes her image flash through my thoughts. Clearing my throat and shaking the thoughts away, I begin, “Thank you, heavenly Father, for the chance to be home again. For my parents’ continued love for one another and hope for a love like theirs to call my own. Thank you for this wonderful food. I pray for continued blessing for all of my family. In the name of your son, Jesus Christ, Amen.”

  “Very nice. I’m taking from the blessing you still don’t have anyone of significance in your life?” Mom asks.

  I shake my head, not knowing how to even talk about this with them. “I was holding out for someone that, it turns out, I shouldn’t have been holding out for. Coming home, it’s like nothing has changed, but everything has. That doesn’t even make any sense.”

  “No, it actually does. You grew up, and when that happens, you look at things a whole lot differently than you used to. Everything okay?” Dad asks.

  “Yeah, I met with Akia today and I think we resolved a few things. I think I need to feel like everything is okay with you two as well. I feel like I let you down by leaving. It was selfish. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

  “Boy, we knew you would be heading out into the world one day. Knew it from a very early age. I’m glad you finally cleared things up with Akia. I think she needed that closure. But to be clear, you didn’t hurt us. Sure, we were sad to see you go, but kids leave. It’s part of life. There’s always a hope that they come home one day, though,” he says with a smirk.

  I hesitate in my response causing my mom to jump out of her chair. “You’re coming home, aren’t you?”

  “Now, Little One, don’t get all excited just yet. You don’t want to guilt him into making a decision,” Dad interjects.

  Mom immediately sits down. I never understood the dynamics of my parent’s relationship. It was never abnormal to me growing up. Now as a grown man, it’s becomes relatively clear that my mother is submissive. The nickname, the way she immediately responds to my dad, I feel the need to wash my brain of all the thoughts that suddenly come forward. I find myself looking back and forth between them.

  “I see the wheels turning. We can discuss that later, if you want. Otherwise, let’s continue with this conversation, and close your mouth before you catch flies,” Dad quickly says.

  There are just some things you never want to discover about your parents. I’ve just been mentally scarred for life. I’m in shock and just start laughing. I can’t help it. My natural reaction to shock used to be anger, but it’s been replaced lately with uncontrollable laughter.

  “What did I miss?” Mom asks, looking at me with a weird look.

  Suddenly it’s like a light bulb goes on as her eyes go wide. She joins in with my laughter. “Took you long enough. Damn Zeke, you act like you haven’t been around us during your adult years. We hang out at the resort every year for goodness sake.”

  “Please for the love of all things holy, stop. I’ll consider moving back home if you just stop and please change the subject. Can we just eat and pretend none of this ever happened? Please?” I beg.

  My dad chuckles, my mom claps her hands excitedly, and I fold my head into my hands.

  “Zeke is moving home! This is the best news ever!” My mom giggles, taking a mouthful of lasagna.

  Is there such thing as a mental wash? I need a stiff drink after this. I move from closure to horror to that feeling of home as I see the excitement on my Mom’s face.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Connection

  Zeke

  I had some seriously screwed up dreams last night. I see that things were not always as they seemed in more ways than just how I viewed my hometown. I wonder if there is anything I over looked with Uncle Chance and Aunt Patience, but I can’t seem to come up with anything. They seem as vanilla as they come.

  I’m up at the crack of dawn again and follow my same routine as the day before. I’m hoping to see Gracie again. Hopefully I don’t scare the shit out of her today. I glanced through my old high school yearbooks after dinner last night, and I do remember her now. She always seemed to be in the background, but I remember Kee paying special attention to her, always trying to make sure she was included.

  Gracie has definitely grown up. The only thing I really recognized where those eyes. Although hidden behind glasses, they still stood out in the photos I saw. She is definitely all woman now, with the real life hour glass figure, full breasts, and full hips.

  I find myself daydreaming when I spot her walking towards the barn, her pony tail and hips swinging in a synchronized dance. I clear my throat to get her attention before saying good morning.

  She returns the greeting and waves but continues to walk into the barn. Well damn. I was just dismissed. That isn’t going to fly with me. I realize she is working, but shit. I brew another cup of coffee as I throw on jeans, a clean shirt, and boots.

  Jogging down the steps trying not to spill the coffee, I rush to the barn in hopes she didn’t take off to somewhere else.

  Gracie

  Can I be any more of a nerd? I knew he was up on the balcony before I heard the clearing of his throat. I had hoped to sneak by without him seeing me. He’s so far out of my league, it’s not even funny. Of course, he picked up that slow southern drawl. Even his movements appear slow, although t
hat could all be in my head. Like the image I have of him on Zeus. I saw him take off yesterday and it was a beautiful sight. In my image there includes a sunset.

  I’ve never been good around guys. The few boyfriends that I have had were at least approachable. In my league, comfortable and boring. I’m not shy by any means. I can carry on a conversation with normal people. He is anything but normal. He is celestial. The type of guy who can command a room with just a smile. The kind of guy who has skinny girlfriends hanging on their arms. Who probably has that skinny girlfriend waiting for him back in Texas. Pam said he was here alone. Wouldn’t he have brought her home with him? Pam acted like she wanted to play matchmaker, but we couldn’t be a more uneven pair.

  I don’t think I’m fat, don’t get me wrong, but I’m certainly not skinny. I’ve never been totally comfortable in my own skin. I try and see what Akia says she sees, but my mirror isn’t very friendly to me. Yes, I blame the mirror. Once inside the barn, I stop and look down at my body. From this angle and without that lying mirror, I like what I see. I have full perky breasts. I like the way my hands fit on my waist right above my hips. I have great hips and a great set of legs. I even think my feet are cute, and feet are normally gross. Just saying.

  “Coffee?”

  “Fuck! Would you stop scaring the shit out of me?” I exclaim, spinning around to see a smiling Zeke holding out a mug.

  “Damn, girl. You are jumpy in the morning,” he says chuckling.

  “No, you are just stealth-like or something. Make some damn noise at least,” I say, taking the offered mug. “Thank you…for the coffee, not the scare.”

  “You are welcome. So, I need to apologize,” he says.

  “Umm, okay? For what?” I ask.

  “I didn’t recognize you yesterday, and I realize now why you gave me the stink face with my choice of nicknames. I’ll have to come up with another one that doesn’t cause you to wrinkle up like that.”

  He knows who I am. Great, or not so great. I’m now lost for words. I start shifting from side to side. I shove the half of coffee back into his chest.

  “Thanks for the coffee, I have to…umm…work. I have to work,” I say, stumbling over my words.

  “Later, Demon Zeke,” I say and go to move past him.

  I feel a strong arm come gently across the front of my chest, above my breasts, stopping me in my tracks.

  “Wait. Have dinner with me tonight.” His voice is gentle and almost a whisper. It sends a warm pulse down my body.

  “I can’t. I promised Pam I’d help her bake deserts for the wedding,” I respond in the same hushed tone.

  “Thursday night, then. I have to pick up my tux tomorrow night and make sure Doug passes the Z test.”

  “Z test? Never mind. I can only imagine.” I want to say yes, but really, is he being serious?

  “Say yes. It’s just dinner. You can catch me up on all the gossip I’ve missed over the years.”

  Just dinner, is he serious, again? Maybe that’s all it really is to him, though. Just dinner. It has to be. I’m reading into this, and I’m only setting myself up for disappointment. Taking a deep breath, I look up and almost lose myself in his deep brown eyes.

  “Sure, why not. It’s just dinner,” I give in.

  “Great. I’ll be over to pick you up around six, okay?” The smile he gives me has my heart beating faster.

  “Six, sure. See you then,” I say as he lowers his arm and lets me walk past him.

  Shit, what the hell did I just agree to? I haven’t been on a date in a long time. But it’s not a date, right? It’s just dinner. I mentally chastise myself again for reading too much into this.

  Zeke

  I got her to agree to dinner, but somehow, I feel like she didn’t really want to go and only agreed because I practically begged her. I don’t know what to make of that. I know I didn’t imagine that flare in her eyes or the intake of breath. Her response mimicked my hushed tone as well.

  When I put my arm out to stop her, I was right about her breasts. Barely touching the top, yet I could almost feel how soft they would be.

  I decide to go over and help out with the deserts. Maybe I can get a better read on her that way. It’s not like I have anything better to do. Spending more time with Gracie, yeah, that sounds really good to me.

  I always helped when I was growing up with the lady lock cookies. I can’t make the shell for shit, but I can fill them like a champ. If there were a contest, I would win hands down with the most filled in the quickest time.

  I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into, though. When I walk through the back door, there are cookies and pastries everywhere. Flour on the floor and across every visible space. It appears that I’m the only man present with at least ten women. My mom along with my aunts, and what I’m assuming are the all the bridesmaids, bustling around the kitchen. There’s an incredible harmony, which you don’t normally expect with so many women in a kitchen. I see Flower sitting at the table, boxing up cookies as the girls bring them over after they have cooled. I don’t want to mess up the system they have going, so I quietly take a seat beside Flower and start helping her box up the goodies.

  I see her slip a buckeye in her mouth as she winks and puts up a finger to her mouth making the “shhh” face. I start laughing and the whole entire kitchen goes silent and comes to a halt.

  My eyes immediately find Gracie’s as she says, “See, stealth. Told you.”

  “Just like his mom, she would show up and scare the crap out of me all the time,” Aunt Carrie laughs.

  “Yeah, but she’s tiny. Zeke is well, not so much,” Aunt Patience chimes in.

  “Wow, so this is what I’ve been missing all these years? Being talked about like you aren’t even in the room,” I joke.

  Akia claps her hands and gets everyone’s attention. “Let’s get back into this, ladies, and leave the poor guy alone. We are in the home stretch. Don’t lose focus.”

  I wink at Gracie and see a slight blush fall across her cheeks. I can’t stop watching her as she moves around the kitchen. If anyone could have been named perfect, it would be her. She has a definite grace about her.

  Every once in a while, she makes eye contact and that blush flashes back across her cheeks. It’s like she’s the only one in the room.

  I feel a soft hand placed over mine. Flower leans over and whispers, sort of, “Either you did smuggle some of that good weed from Texas and you are really high, or you are smitten.”

  “Not sure what you mean,” I respond.

  “Whatever, I may be old there, boy, but I know that look. I’ve seen it quite a few times over the years.”

  I smile and shake my head, trying to play dumb. It’s definitely lust I’m feeling, that I will at least admit. If it weren’t for my mom and other family members being present, I would be struggling to keep myself from getting hard.

  After a few hours the kitchen starts to clear until there’s only me and Gracie left. Gram Pam retired to bed about an hour ago and the kitchen is almost cleaned. I wanted the opportunity to have some alone time with Gracie, so I volunteered to help finish cleaning. I practically pushed the other girls out the door.

  “Impressive lady lock skills you got there, pal,” Gracie says, bumping my hip with hers.

  “I was born to pump the cream,” Realizing how that sounded, I try to back pedal. “That just sounded a bit disturbing, sorry,” I laugh.

  “Yeah, that was pretty bad. It rivals that devil statement the other day,” she says, laughing.

  “Hey, that’s one of my best lines, sweetheart,” I joke. “It got you to call me Demon Zeke, though didn’t it?”

  “Yeah, yeah. You know you didn’t have to stay, right? There wasn’t a whole lot left, I could have handled it.”

  “I’m quite enjoying the company, and honestly, didn’t want to leave.” I bump her back, mimicking what she had done just minutes earlier.

  I notice a little bit of flour right under her left ear on her neck. Reac
hing out, I place my finger softly on the spot and rub it off. She stills immediately, and my eyes flick from her mouth to her eyes. Those eyes quite simply captivate me. I want nothing more than to kiss her right now. I run my other fingers around the back of her neck and place my thumb right on the underside of her jaw.

  “You have the most beautiful eyes,” I whisper as I watch her eyes flutter closed. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

  Her eyes immediately flash open, and I’m not sure if I see panic or fire. I don’t want to lose the moment, so I quickly lean in and give her a soft closed mouth kiss. The blood rushes straight from my head to my groin and I step away.